BREAKING NEWS
LOCAL POSTER ENTERS 14TH HOUR OF DEFENDING ORIGINAL TAKE • RATIO NOW EXCEEDS GDP OF SEVERAL SMALL NATIONS • WITNESSES SAY "THEY JUST KEPT POSTING" • CORN COB WATCH ISSUED FOR TRI-STATE AREA • LOCAL POSTER ENTERS 14TH HOUR OF DEFENDING ORIGINAL TAKE • RATIO NOW EXCEEDS GDP OF SEVERAL SMALL NATIONS • WITNESSES SAY "THEY JUST KEPT POSTING" • CORN COB WATCH ISSUED FOR TRI-STATE AREA •
LIVE

You're the Main Character Today.

This is not the kind of fame you wanted.

THREAT LEVEL
LOW
GUARDED
ELEVATED
HIGH
SEVERE
STATUS Everyone is talking about you
DURATION Trending for 14+ hours
PROGNOSIS Log off immediately

This has been a Corn Cob News Network special report.
Any resemblance to your actual timeline is entirely intentional.