12 Steps to Accepting Your L

Listen. It happened. You got owned. Thoroughly. Completely. The kind of owned where your mentions are a warzone and your notifications are a crime scene. But here’s the thing: you can survive this. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve done it myself.

Step 1: Admit It

The first step is always the hardest. Look in the mirror. Say it out loud: “I was owned.” No qualifiers. No “technically” or “but actually.” You logged on, you posted, you got demolished. Say it. Own it. That’s where recovery starts.

Step 2: Put the Phone Down

Your fingers are itching. You have the perfect comeback. You’ve been workshopping it for the last 20 minutes. Stop. Put the phone down. That “perfect comeback” is going to make things worse. Every time. I promise you.

Step 3: Close the App

Not “let me just check one more time.” Not “I’ll just see what people are saying.” Close it. Now. The app is a crime scene and you’re covered in evidence. Walk away.

Step 4: Go Outside

I’m serious. Go outside. Find some grass. Touch it. Feel the texture. Notice how it’s soft and doesn’t have any opinions about your posting history. This is what healthy interaction feels like. More on this in Jamie’s guide.

Step 5: Tell Someone

Not online. Not in your group chat. Call someone you trust IRL. Say “I got owned online and I’m spiraling.” A good friend will laugh with you (eventually) and remind you that nobody will remember this in 48 hours. You need that perspective right now.

Step 6: See the Pattern

Was this your first time? Or have you been here before? Be honest with yourself. Look for the warning signs:

• Starting posts with “Unpopular opinion but…”
• Posting after 11 PM
• Using the phrase “I’m just saying”
• Engaging with accounts that clearly just want to fight

If you see a pattern, that’s actually good news. Patterns can be broken.

Step 7: Make It Right

Sometimes you were just wrong. Sometimes you said something harmful. If that’s the case, a simple “my bad, I was wrong” goes a long way. No essays. No justifications. Just accountability. Say it and move on.

Step 8: Delete It

There’s no shame in hitting delete. The post is not a historical artifact. You’re not destroying evidence for future scholars. You’re making a tactical retreat. Future you will thank present you.

Step 9: Don’t Vaguepost

Do not post something like “interesting how some people…” or “the hypocrisy is real.” Everyone knows what you’re doing. You’re not being subtle. You’re getting owned twice.

Step 10: Learn Something

What went wrong? Be specific:

• Were you posting while emotional?
• Did you comment on something you didn’t fully understand?
• Were you trying to be funny and missed?
• Did you engage with someone who was clearly just trolling?

Write it down. Look at it before your next post. This is how you break the pattern.

Step 11: Go Dark

Do not post anything for 48 hours. Not “just a meme.” Not “something completely unrelated.” Radio silence. Let the dust settle. Let the timeline move on. Give yourself space.

Step 12: Come Back Different

When you return, you’ll be different. Humbler. More careful. Maybe you’ll think twice before hitting send. Maybe you’ll realize not every thought needs to be posted. Maybe you’ll lurk for a while.

That’s not defeat. That’s growth.

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Keep Going

Recovery isn’t linear. You’ll have setbacks. You’ll probably get owned again—most of us do. But each time, you’ll handle it better. You’ll recognize the signs earlier. You’ll recover faster.

The internet is forever, but internet drama is temporary. In a week, everyone will have moved on to the next main character. I’ve seen it happen a thousand times.

You’re going to be okay.

Need more support? Check out our Recovery Resources or take our quiz to see where you’re at.