You're Going to Be Okay
(Probably. We're not doctors. We're not even real therapists. But we've seen some things and have Opinions™ about your posting habits.)
What's Happening Right Now?
Pick the one that matches your current situation. We'll tell you what to do.
CRITICAL: Your brain is screaming "BUT I CAN EXPLAIN" — it's lying. That tweet you're crafting in your head? It will make everything 847% worse. We have data on this.
Quick Severity Check
Answer 4 questions. We'll tell you where you are in the recovery timeline.
When did it happen?
Are you still checking?
Have you responded since?
How do you feel right now?
The "Oh God What Have I Done" Timeline
Spoiler: Everyone goes through these. You're not special (sorry).
The "Oh Fuck" Stage
First 24 hours- STEP AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD
- Delete that draft tweet you just wrote (yes, that one)
- Notifications OFF (not muted, OFF)
- Call literally any human person who isn't online
- Do not, under ANY circumstances, "clarify your position"
The Reckoning
Days 1-3- Take our quiz to quantify exactly how cooked you are
- Admit (to yourself only) what you actually did wrong
- Check if you owe anyone an apology (spoiler: maybe)
- Go outside and look at a tree or something
- Realize that nobody will remember this by Friday
Rebuilding Your Life
Weeks 1-2 (maybe longer, we're not judging)- Stay off the timeline (yes, even lurking counts)
- Read our articles about why you're like this
- Figure out what makes you post the dumb stuff (it's usually after 11 PM)
- Practice having thoughts without broadcasting them
- Remember what hobbies are
Post-Traumatic Growth (Allegedly)
The rest of your life, good luck- Maybe post again (jury's still out on this one)
- Set a hard rule: no posting after 10 PM or when emotional
- Delete the app on weekends (seriously, try it)
- Talk to people IRL about things (weird but effective)
- When you see someone getting owned, resist the urge to pile on
Recovery Milestones
Track your progress. Check them off as you go. We believe in you (mostly).
Phase 1 The "Oh Fuck" Stage Complete
Phase 2 The Reckoning Complete
Phase 3 Rebuilding Complete
Phase 4 Post-Traumatic Growth Complete
Practical Tools
Make Your Phone Less Evil
- Turn off notifications (not "just Twitter", ALL of them)
- Bury the apps in a folder called "BAD CHOICES"
- Set time limits then actually respect them for once
- Grayscale mode makes scrolling depressing (this is good)
- Do Not Disturb is your friend, use it constantly
Lies to Tell Yourself (They Help)
- "Nobody will remember this tomorrow"
- "I literally do not have to engage"
- "Being wrong online is free and happens to everyone"
- "This person's avi is an egg, why am I arguing"
- "The internet is not my real life (I think?)"
Things to Do Instead of Logging On
- Touch grass (yes, literally)
- Call someone and use your voice like a caveman
- Remember books? Those paper things? Read one.
- Walk somewhere without your phone (terrifying but effective)
- Cook a meal that requires focus so you can't doomscroll
DO NOT (We're Serious)
- Post your way out of this (you cannot, stop trying)
- Fight on multiple fronts (you're not that good at multitasking)
- "I'm not owned! I'm not owned!" (you are though)
- Make an alt to agree with yourself (everyone knows it's you)
- Post screenshots to prove you're right (this proves you're owned)
Need a Coping Strategy?
Recommended Reading
Start with these articles based on your situation:
12 Steps to Accepting Your L
The foundational framework for recovery. Start here.
PsychologyWhy You Can't Stop Checking
Understand the neuroscience behind your compulsive checking.
Practical
How to Touch Grass
A literal guide to going outside and being a human.
How-To
The Non-Apology Apology
If you need to apologize, do it right.
Where Are You in Your Recovery?
Take our quiz to get personalized guidance based on your severity level.
Assess Your Situation →