Privacy Policy

What We Don't Collect

Here's an exhaustive list of data we do not collect, store, or process:

• Personal Information: Names, emails, addresses - we don't want them
• Quiz Responses: Your answers never leave your browser
• Contact Form Submissions: Literally deleted with a fun animation
• Browsing History: We don't track what pages you visit
• IP Addresses: Not logged, not stored, not tracked
• Device Information: We don't know what you're using
• Location Data: No idea where you are (probably your bedroom)
• Cookies: We don't set any tracking cookies
• Analytics: No Google Analytics, no tracking pixels, nothing

Why? Because this is a static site. There's literally nowhere for the data to go. It's just HTML, CSS, and JavaScript running in your browser.

How This Site Works

The Quiz: Runs entirely in your browser. Your answers and results never leave your device. Close the tab and it's gone forever.

The Contact Form: A comedy bit. Submissions are immediately deleted with a fun animation. Nothing is sent anywhere or saved.

Your corn cob severity level is between you and your conscience.

Third Parties

The site uses some external resources (fonts, hosting). Those providers might log basic stuff. We don't control what they do.

We don't have access to their logs and don't use them for anything.

Cookies & Local Storage

We don't set any cookies. There's no login system, no session tracking, no "remember me" functionality.

We don't use localStorage or sessionStorage to save anything about you.

If you see cookies associated with this domain, something has gone terribly wrong or your browser is lying to you.

Your Privacy Rights

Under various privacy laws (GDPR, CCPA, etc.), you have rights regarding your personal data:

• Right to Access: There's nothing to access. We have no data about you.
• Right to Deletion: Already done. We never had it.
• Right to Portability: You can't export data that doesn't exist.
• Right to Opt-Out: There's nothing to opt out of.
• Right to Object: Object all you want. Still no data.

This is the easiest privacy compliance we've ever seen because we literally have nothing to comply with.

Children's Privacy

This site is not directed at children under 13. We don't knowingly collect data from children because we don't collect data from anyone.

If you're under 13 and reading this: good job on your reading comprehension, but maybe go play outside instead of learning about getting owned online.

Data Security

We take the security of your data very seriously. That's why we don't collect any.

You can't have a data breach if you have no data. *taps forehead*

This is genuinely the most secure approach to privacy: not collecting anything in the first place.

Changes to This Policy

We may update this privacy policy from time to time. Changes will be posted on this page with an updated "Last Updated" date at the top.

Realistically, what would change? We'd have to start collecting data first, and we're way too lazy to build a database for a joke website.

International Users

This site is accessible worldwide. We don't treat users differently based on location because we don't treat users at all. There's no user database.

GDPR compliance? Easy. CCPA compliance? Done. International data transfers? Not happening because there's no data.

Questions?

If you have questions about this privacy policy, you can:

• Submit them via our contact form (they'll be deleted)
• Just accept that you're still owned and move on with your life

We're a comedy website, not a Fortune 500 company. We don't have a data protection officer. We don't have a legal department. We have a trash can animation.